The past ten weeks have been pretty interesting. I have been in the spotlight; rather I put myself in the spotlight of my life. If that makes sense; I hope it does. And I have constantly questioned my thoughts, my actions and my choices.
A wise friend of mine once said; “In Roysambu (an estate in the Kasarani Area of Nairobi) there is a popular saying, ‘don’t burden people with advice’.” I have been one to burden people with advice and chastise people harshly. I have been on the receiving end of it lately, and it really isn’t pretty.
One thing about being spiritual, religious or having a strong conviction about anything; is that we shove things down people’s throats! Believe you me, I have choked and gagged many a people!
If I am to use an analogy; it’s like being offered a plate of an unusual delicious cuisine. Instead of offering it to someone and asking them to taste it; you pin them down and shove food down their throats. They don’t enjoy what could have been an amazing and life changing meal. Instead they loathe the meal; you and may never ever eat it, or come close to the meal ever again.
I am learning that I need to learn to share my life and experience with people. Give them a taste and let them decide. Life is an experience. A constant evaluation of people’s experience to learn from, grow from or run away from; and I guess that is where I have derived my joys and sorrows.
Fascinating! Today while I was in the bus coming home, I kept a mental note of what I was going to write today. And at a certain point I stopped and retraced my steps in how I got to this thought process. And I was amazed that I could actually do that. I have constantly said that my memory has gone to the dogs; but I guess I just wasn’t aware that I was thinking at all.
I am more conscious of what I am doing now, what I am thinking. I am learning the power of silence and just cultivating the need to be aware of myself at all times. I still trip up and think after an act or statement. But I try to think before and retrace myself. And even debate within myself whether it was the right or moral thing to do.
In the process of conscious thinking I realized today that I am generally indisciplined in every single area of my life. The inconsistent blogging should have set alarms off. But noooo sir! It didn’t!
After reading books that highlight the importance of planning and setting goals for my life, I still did nothing. Today I just realized how lazy, dangerous and apathetic a life I was leading.
At some point I knew what my purpose in life was. And being a Christian you kind of realize that God’s purpose for your life is what counts most. And getting His directive is key.
I knew what I wanted spiritually and as a leader in the areas that I lead. But when it came to my career I was literally roaming around in the dark. With regard to health; I have a constant ideal Rose I have in mind. I start exercising mentally. I literally visualize myself exercising, I count the reps of each workout; as I stuff myself with that delicious plate of nice crispy fries and chicken with that nutritious salad and carbonated soda!
I just thought to myself today that ‘you know what Rose? You don’t need those annoying self help books, attend sermons or simply think positive. You need to discipline myself to act regularly.’ And after I am done with this, I am drafting up my goals in each section of my life, set targets, timelines and rewards.
Like one thing that I thought to myself, routine in itself isn’t boring. It’s doing it without being conscious of its effects that makes it boring. ;-) It’s called psyching yourself up! J
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