A friend of mine once said that some people are so afraid of facing themselves, to the point that some people can’t look at themselves in all their glory, in a mirror.
We all live a life busy and eventful. But we never really want to face who we are. The past 2 to 3 months have been a learning curve. The last 3 weeks though I realized that something about me had died. I have been learning so much that made me realize how flawed I am as a human being. And the scariest part was realizing that I barely new myself.
After I shed off the false illusion I had of who I was. I have been stripped bare. And I am back at the teenage phase in my life. The ‘vulnerable, hurt and fighting to keep a dignity that is barely there’ phase. I am back to the elementary stage of my life. I am learning the ABCs of who I am and what it is I love.
However much I am leading a team and realizing that there is a need to build a value system. I first have to build my own value system. Now I understand the importance of silence and self reflection even deeper.
I am broken, but I feel restored. I feel like the larvae beginning to break into that butterfly. This is the cocoon phase before the beauty emerges.
It hurts to have your flawed character served back at you. And what is worse is that I have no idea on how to fix it. I don’t feel helpless. The interesting part of all of this is, by realizing I knew nothing. I feel free from condemnation! I tried to cheat myself and justify my decisions, but the truth is I am messed up, like we all are. And I need to get fixed.
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