I love Maasais, their names, their culture, well most of it. But my intention this weekend was not to explore the heart of Maasai land. Though that was what happened when the useless travel agent chose to give very useless directions. It seems like the average Kenyan suffers from the plague of wrong directionitis.
We were 6 friends, four of us drove into the sunset, while the other two had to take a cab from Kiserian. We had a truck load of luggage in the car. Now once we got to Ole polos as per the directions the travel agent gave us, we realized that we were lost. So we asked around at Ole Polos and we got help. We followed those directions,and ended up at a turning that didn’t quite look like a road.
So the cab guy who was behind us, with our two pals, gets impatient and then asks us where we are going. We tell him and the dozer makes things worse, he directs us off to the wrong road. And dumps our two pals at the turn off of the road. They began to walk hopefully to a rustic getaway cottage, with marvelous scenery, a pool, hammock and great food.
Well that didn’t happen. The four of us who were in the car enjoyed the beautiful scenery on the dusty and rocky road. And on occasion we hopped out to lighten the weight of the car as it climbed over boulders.
We kept driving, driving and driving asking around for the house. Every person we spoke to told us that we were on the right track. We tried calling the agent but alas! No network. Airtel and Safaricom lied when they said they had national coverage. Because the road to Loidariok has absolutely nooooooooooooo network coverage. So there we were stopping every so often looking like mad women in Maasai land.
We kept asking random Maasai’s in the area for directions. The first person was a regular Moran with a little boy, pretty nice and helpful. They told us to keep going down the road. And we did. But the terrain just got worse, there was no sign of civilization. But we kept at it.
The next stop was a mature woman. We stopped merely out of respect. And that was when everything went south. She started off with a greeting in Swahili to which we all responded, then she went off into Maasai. She would go on pointing and speaking in Maasai then everyone in the car would fall silent.
So we kept starting the conversation all over. And it always ended the same way; clueless women in car and dumb looks on our faces and a smiling Maasai woman. We just summed up the conversation and said ‘Asante’ in unison and just before we drove off, she mumbled something. I gave her a coin and said ‘Asante’ and drove off. I realized later that I gave her 40 bob.
The next stop was hilarious. I got tired of rolling down the window, so I got out of the car to talk to a loose Moran. The brother ran away from me! For goodness sakes, if you have to kill a lion to be a Moran why the hell would you run away from a mere human?
He must have rigged his way into being a Moran. Anyhow I had to tell him in Swahili that I wasn’t going to do anything to him. He responded in Maasai. Luckily he was with a little boy with him who I asked for directions. And like the rest before him, he said we were on the right road. And it was good terrain to drive on. LIES! ALL LIES!!!
We kept driving and we joked about lions popping out of nowhere. But the joke ended when I had to hop out of the car further up the road, in search of a cottage that never was. Nothing but disguised manyattas with thorn bushes and acacia trees. And nothing but wide open spaces a potential place for any wandering predator to devour me.
There I was dashing up a hill in search of the elusive cottage, but to no avail. Doused in sweat and trying not to imagine what it would be like to be mauled by a lion.
I finally got back in the car, exhausted and disappointed. We drove back to the main road to get the two pals; who ended up meeting us half way on foot.
The pals walking swapped with the ones in the car; and now everyone was headed back to the main road. Sweaty, exhausted and upset. We finally got a place with network and called the travel agent.
The bugger didn’t seem to see that there was anything wrong with directions he gave. So after 6km of aimless driving, useless directions and tones of fuel consumed, we finally found the house.
And boy was it worth the money. I’ll post the pics later when I download them from the camera!
But people it had a plunge pool, sauna, a beautiful view of nature, birds, trees, hills a lovely open plan kitchen..I wouldn’t ask for more.
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